Married to My Disease: My Relationship With Multiple Sclerosis

From day one of my diagnosis, I have heard and repeated the mantra

“I may have MS, but MS doesn’t have me!”

But, I think I need to amend this a bit…

because I am pretty sure that bitch owns me!  

And I am pretty certain divorce is not an option.

We are married for life!

 

What does that mean?  Am I saying that I have given in, relented to the disease, allowed it to win?

Nothing of the sort – I have just come to accept that it is simply a PART of my life; that I am in a relationship with this disease.  Although I had no control at the beginning – I wasn’t given a choice at the start of this union (I didn’t check the wrong box on the application for life) and the randomness of MS and all its symptoms can make controlling or planning anything in life nearly insurmountable, I have accepted my new mate’s constant presence.  I have come to accept that the disease and all that it has brought into my life is completely intertwined into the fabric of who I am now.  There is nothing that I do, nothing that I think about that doesn’t include MS in the equation.  

How will today’s walk with the dogs go? Will I make it the whole way or have to turn around?

What will the temperature be today?

When will my vision go to shit?

Will today be a good or bad pain day?

Do I have enough energy to weed the garden today?

Will I pee my pants in the grocery store again?

When will the next flair-up hit?

Will I have any energy left after taking a shower?

When will I fall again?

Will I get a good night’s sleep?

How bad will the pain be if I try and fit all five of my errands into one trip?

When will I need to use my cane and/or Segway again?

Will I end up in a wheelchair?

 

IT will always be there, and I will always have to factor in its presence in my life.  I can’t change that.  But I have realized that I still have some control and I am now consciously exercising my right to be the dominant one in this relationship.  

  • I get to decide how I am going to react to it’s ever present annoying “habits” – whether it is the burning shooting pain, the numb feet, the muscle spasms, fatigue, the crappy vision OR peeing my pants – I am the one who will be in command of just how I am going to respond and how I choose to proceed.
  • I can control how I think about this relentless relationship – it can be seen as a burden or a blessing, and I choose the later because if I didn’t have this “partner” named MS in my life, I would not be the person I am today.
  • I choose to see things in a new light, to always find the good and the funny shit that is inevitably going to happen
  • I choose to have an appreciation for all that I have in my life. Living with MS has provided me with a much clearer picture of what really matters in life.  

These are the things that I owe to my marriage to my disease.  It takes two to have a relationship, and I may not be able to control that MS is here to stay, but if I can be constant and consistent in how I react/respond then I can remain in charge of my life and the paths I take.  Marriage is said to be a give and take so…

I will GIVE my partner Multiple Sclerosis my all in regards to staying strong and continuing to fight through the bullshit

and I will TAKE each and every moment I can to smile and laugh!

 

 

**This is my personal blog and all opinions are my own.  I am not a doctor, nor do I play one here on my blog. The content here is for informational and entertainment purposes only and is not intended to replace the advice of medical professionals.  Be sure to contact your doctor before trying any new medications/vitamins/supplements, physical activities or therapies **

26 Replies to “Married to My Disease: My Relationship With Multiple Sclerosis”

    1. Hi Claire!
      Thanks so much for stopping by and for sharing my link on Pain Pals Blog – much appreciated!

      I look forward to checking it out!

      Cheers,
      Meg

  1. Oh my goodness, I couldn’t have put it better myself! I feel like I’m married to this disease. I constantly start my day wondering what is going to happen today. We just have to remain warriors and survive. In the almost 3years since my diagnosis, I have had to give up on my career and retire from my job at 33 years old, I have lost quality time with my children, whilst I rest and my poor husband who is also disabled is left without the full attention from his wife. But I live with the idea that the universe has different plans for me.
    I just hope there will be some happiness there.

  2. You’ve articulated your point on a journey I’m beginning, coming to terms with my illness (while still fighting for wellness). Love this so much 🙂

    1. Hi Melissa!

      Thanks so much for the kind words. Sorry to hear about your journey – but hopefully you can learn to at least “put up with” your new travel partner?:)

      Cheers!

      Meg

  3. I so agree! I love all your “I” statements. I can’t control my MS, but I can control so many choices I make about how I respond. Thank you for expressing your thoughts so well!

  4. I was diagnosed just over 20 years & I’ve met many people with MS and what I found out early is that everyone’s MS is slightly different.My dad had it as well and while we had some systoms the same we also had completely different ones as well.

    1. So true. Plus even if we have same symptoms, who we are, our life experiences and how we deal with things will all influence what it’s like to live with those symptoms

  5. Good for you, I have yet to accept it or try to laugh about it… in fact 10 years after my diagnosis and I’m still angry, I know i would be better off with acceptance but still so angry and every new symptoms pissed me off more

  6. Such satisfaction when you have a day that MS wasn’t expecting you to have or yourself either, so much enjoyment if or when you can have a day like in the past, so rare but makes it even more special!

    1. SO true – EVERYONE has issues and shit that they have to deal with – best to find the reasons to laugh and smile throw it all:)

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