From day one of my diagnosis, I have heard and repeated the mantra
“I may have MS, but MS doesn’t have me!”
But, I think I need to amend this a bit…
because I am pretty sure that bitch owns me!
And I am pretty certain divorce is not an option.
We are married for life!
What does that mean? Am I saying that I have given in, relented to the disease, allowed it to win?
Nothing of the sort – I have just come to accept that it is simply a PART of my life; that I am in a relationship with this disease. Although I had no control at the beginning – I wasn’t given a choice at the start of this union (I didn’t check the wrong box on the application for life) and the randomness of MS and all its symptoms can make controlling or planning anything in life nearly insurmountable, I have accepted my new mate’s constant presence. I have come to accept that the disease and all that it has brought into my life is completely intertwined into the fabric of who I am now. There is nothing that I do, nothing that I think about that doesn’t include MS in the equation.
How will today’s walk with the dogs go? Will I make it the whole way or have to turn around?
What will the temperature be today?
When will my vision go to shit?
Will today be a good or bad pain day?
Do I have enough energy to weed the garden today?
Will I pee my pants in the grocery store again?
When will the next flair-up hit?
Will I have any energy left after taking a shower?
When will I fall again?
Will I get a good night’s sleep?
How bad will the pain be if I try and fit all five of my errands into one trip?
When will I need to use my cane and/or Segway again?
Will I end up in a wheelchair?
IT will always be there, and I will always have to factor in its presence in my life. I can’t change that. But I have realized that I still have some control and I am now consciously exercising my right to be the dominant one in this relationship.
- I get to decide how I am going to react to it’s ever present annoying “habits” – whether it is the burning shooting pain, the numb feet, the muscle spasms, fatigue, the crappy vision OR peeing my pants – I am the one who will be in command of just how I am going to respond and how I choose to proceed.
- I can control how I think about this relentless relationship – it can be seen as a burden or a blessing, and I choose the later because if I didn’t have this “partner” named MS in my life, I would not be the person I am today.
- I choose to see things in a new light, to always find the good and the funny shit that is inevitably going to happen
- I choose to have an appreciation for all that I have in my life. Living with MS has provided me with a much clearer picture of what really matters in life.
These are the things that I owe to my marriage to my disease. It takes two to have a relationship, and I may not be able to control that MS is here to stay, but if I can be constant and consistent in how I react/respond then I can remain in charge of my life and the paths I take. Marriage is said to be a give and take so…
I will GIVE my partner Multiple Sclerosis my all in regards to staying strong and continuing to fight through the bullshit
and I will TAKE each and every moment I can to smile and laugh!
**This is my personal blog and all opinions are my own. I am not a doctor, nor do I play one here on my blog. The content here is for informational and entertainment purposes only and is not intended to replace the advice of medical professionals. Be sure to contact your doctor before trying any new medications/vitamins/supplements, physical activities or therapies **