I have something that I need to get off my chest….to confess to all of you wonderful readers out there. I’m not sure what the reaction to this confession will be, if I will risk loosing some of you, but I can’t NOT say anything, because at the end of the day, it is there, and I need to own up to it. On occasion, every once in a while, I participate in…..POTTY SLEEPING. There I said it…it is out there for all of you to judge. But I am NOT ashamed, I rather like it. It provides me with a nice little break that I need before heading back to bed for the rest of my nights sleep. I didn’t intend to become a POTTY SLEEPER, it just kind of happened. Unfortunately it was NOT an activity that my EX supported or approved of, often times it led to him being incredibly angry with me, but if I am honest with you, I really can’t help it.
You see, I feel I am SUPER lucky that SO far, I have yet to pee IN my bed. I hear that it happens, and given my propensity to urinate anywhere, anytime, I’m pretty amazed that it hasn’t happened….YET. Hell, my brain doesn’t get the message when I am wide awake, how can I expect it to be listening when I am sound asleep? BUT it does, and so most nights, I get up at least once, to make the trek to the bathroom. At night, my legs go pretty “dead” once I climb into bed, so the trip to get there can be slightly amusing in itself. Once I do make it to the bathroom and settle myself down on the toilet, I usually have to wait a bit for that stream of pee to start, not stage fright, I just think the rest of my body needs to wake up and realize what we are doing. Eventually it works and the pee evacuates my body. Job done, time to get up and return to my warm, cozy bed. BUT you see, sometimes that doesn’t happen. The need to sleep wins out over the need to return to bed, and so I drift off into my happy oblivion, perched on my porcelain throne, I sleep.
You may be asking yourself, how can she do that, how can she be comfortable? Let me assure you, I AM comfortable, at least it seems I am at the moment that I decide to drift off. BUT, when I wake up (sometimes minutes later, other times it can be an hour or two) I am usually cold, and stiff:) YET, I continue to participate in this activity, night after night. AND I enjoy it SO much that I would recommend that others try it. After all, in my opinion, it is the epitome of mulit-tasking – GET ‘ER DONE. I NEED sleep, but also need to pee, so why not combine the two. AND on a REALLY good night, I might pee, sleep, and then pee again before heading back to bed. That is efficiency at it’s greatest!
I mentioned that this was an activity that my EX did NOT approve of, which seemed kind of odd to me. He would actually get MAD at me; wake me up from my happy little POTTY NAP, with an accusatory voice “MEG, what are you doing?!” Ah, DUH, peeing and sleeping, thank you very much! But rather than being impressed with my skills, there was just anger. So, thanks to him and his judgmental self, I have developed a bit of an issue with my POTTY SLEEPING. I am embarrassed and ashamed by it, and try to hide it. I will dose and Shawn will notice that I am no longer next to him in bed, so he will call for me “Meg, What cha doing” and even though he has told me it is cute (think he said endearing?) I scramble to come up with a lie, something that will explain why I have been in the bathroom for the past hour. Once I even grabbed the toilet brush and started frantically scrubbing, yelling out “Oh, just cleaning the bathroom.” WTF REALLY? Because he KNOWS, of course he KNOWS, I have admitted it to him and there really isn’t anything to be ashamed of, and yet I continue to try and deny it. Once, he even headed off to the bathroom just after I had finished up a good POTTY SLEEP and when he came back, he thanked me, because the seat had been nice and warm for him:) And this morning over coffee, he suggested that we put a blanket in the bathroom “just in case I get cold.” Now there is a man that LOVES me and doesn’t judge.
Although this post started out to be one of just humor and a good laugh at my expense, I once again find myself headed in the direction of saying something with meaning, something deep and profound. Well maybe not too meaningful, but slightly more than just POTTY SLEEPING. Because as I write this, I return to the place that makes me angry. It pisses me off to think that I allowed someone to make me feel ashamed; embarrassed by something that I do. I have NO idea why MY falling asleep on the toilet would cause my EX to be mad (seems pretty fucked up if you ask me) but it kind of sums up my 14 years of marriage. He didn’t approve of it and made sure that I knew that and I tried to change ME to appease him. That’s just messed up. Never again will I give someone that power. I have grown so much stronger in the past few years, and I have learned to not only be o.k. with who I am and what I do, but to LOVE me:) And so, I will continue to participate in POTTY SLEEPING and I will try and NOT “hide” it from Shawn (no more 3 a.m. toilet scrubbing:) and IF I do get cold, I will happily wrap that blanket around me, knowing that my life NOW is SO much better than it was before, that I have found someone who cares enough to leave a blanket for me to be comfortable while I POTTY SLEEP.