Skinny Ass Jeans & Depends – Not a Good Mix

For those of you out there that DON’T have MS and don’t KNOW someone with MS, that have been following along, you might wonder why it is that a grown woman, who looks pretty normal – in that “has her shit together kinda way” keeps talking about peeing her pants.  Valid question and one that I would be HAPPY to answer, or at least answer in the way that I have come to understand it. The reason that I experience incontinence is because of the lesions in my spine.  I have significantly MORE in my spine than on my brain, the ratio being about 90/10, I believe.  These lesions “screw up” the messages going to my brain.  The sensors that tell your body that you need to pee are located along the part of my spine where most of my lesions have decided to camp out, and so by the time my brain gets the memo, it is too late.  The average person will think, “oh, I have to go to the bathroom,” and perhaps twenty minutes go by, and they now think, “wow, okay, now I really need to go.”  Maybe they then have to wait another ten minutes and are now thinking, “holy crap, I have to find a bathroom.”  Well, thanks to the lesions in my spine, my brain misses out on this whole conversation, and only clues in when it’s too late.  I find myself peeing, at which point I think “oh SHIT, I have to pee!”  Or rather “oh shit, I AM peeing!”  It’s a bit awkward at times…depending on where I happen to be at that moment in time.

 There are drugs and other things that can apparently help with this, but from early on I came up with a  “therapy” called “Meg’s Pee Regime” and although it does have negative side effects (peeing in your pants in public) I have been quite pleased with the overall results.   I go to the bathroom every hour.  BOOM, there it is!  Brilliant!  Most of the time.  It IS a great plan, but shortly after implementing this regime into my life, I learned that even the best laid plans can (and WILL) fail.

My first encounter with said trouble was on a beautiful, sunny spring day.

All three kids were out of school on spring break.  Since these were the early days of my life with MS, I did have some difficulty with walking, but I still got around.  It just looked like I was drunk all the time – but hey, with three little kids in tow, NO BIG DEAL!  I remember that I had already begun to feel the longings of wanting to be a “normal” mom again and so I decided to take the kids to the zoo.  I grabbed my three kids, plus an three (three wasn’t enough to prove my SUPER-MOM status) and headed off to Woodland Park Zoo for the day.  I remember thinking, hey they have bathrooms all over the place, no problem!  What I didn’t anticipate was that every other person in the greater Seattle area had decided to go to the zoo that day as well, and so the line to get in was outrageous!  Plus PACKED with people we knew (Seattle really IS a small city.)  We had been waiting in line for over an hour (remember, this was “Meg’s Pee Regime” time limit!) and still had quite a ways to go to get to the entrance.  I begin to panic.  Must get to bathroom, began repeating itself in my head.  BUT I certainly didn’t want to loose our place in line, nor did I want to loose six kids; the oldest were eight at the time and not quite ready to take on the evils of the world on their own.  I was nearing critical pee time, and so, having struck up a conversation with a lovely elderly couple, there for the day day with their grandchildren, behind us in line, I quickly asked if they would mind keeping an eye on my six minions, while I popped off to the bathroom.  They graciously accepted this proposal and I high-tailed it off to do my thing.

Upon my return, Sam (again eight at the time) had “great news” that he wanted to share with me AND everyone else within a 100 yard radius.  As I was walking back from the restroom, he eagerly screamed (and yes, you CAN scream with eagerness, he did it.) “Mom, did you know that they make diapers for adults?  This lady told me.  I told her that you pee your pants all the time and she said that she sometimes does too, so she wears a diaper!”  BIG PAUSE for a deep breathe,  “And, she says you  can buy them at the store called Walgreens!  We need to go and get you some!”  Boy, who is the “COOL MOM” now, huh?

I explained to Sam that I did indeed know about these “adult diapers” but that I thought that at least for the time being I would pass on the chance to wear one (thinking to my self, me and my “skinny-ass jeans” are certainly not going to go around town with saggy baggy diaper butt, thank you very much!)  I’d much rather try and stick to the “Meg Pee Regime” and risk having an accident than resort to wearing Depends (call me vain.)

This was to be the first of many “embarrassing moments,” but the fact that I was laughing and telling the story the next day meant that it couldn’t have been THAT embarrassing, right?

 

 

20 Replies to “Skinny Ass Jeans & Depends – Not a Good Mix”

    1. Hi Sarah,
      Thanks for sharing the blog and will definitely pop over to read! LOVE me some friends with leaky vajayjays:) We could start a club: The Leaky Crack Club? The Dribbling Muffs? The Sprinkling Beavers? The Weeping Holes?
      Sorry…just couldn’t resist, which seems to be a chronic issue for me:)
      Cheers, and I truly hope you will stop by again!

      Meg

  1. Kids really know how to say things at exactly the right moment! Wouldn’t you have loved to be a fly on the wall when he was having the conversation? I’m so glad you’re smiling 🙂

    1. :)Thanks PINKY! Just took a visit to your blog…LOVE it. Now just have to figure out how to follow it:) Asking for my NetVibe or Yahoo account, neither of which I have:( I will have to figure it out, as I have a great NEED to follow someone that can survive FIVE teens!

    1. 🙂 supposed to be working right now, but DO have a WordPress question for you. Will send you an email later today:)

      Cheers and have a wonderful day, I know I will:) Shawn is picking me up after work:) hehe VS:)

  2. OMG, I had a dreadful period before a recent trip to Italy trying to decide HOW I’d manage the constant-peeing issue. All I can say is thank God for those tiny espressos. In advance of the trip I ordered free samples of three different adult diapers, but when they arrived I got thoroughly depressed and threw them away. Instead, I contacted my neuro and asked for medication that I’d heard would help me stop peeing ALL.THE.DAMN.TIME. It didn’t work. Fortunately, as I noted above, there are wee coffee drinks and plenty of public bathrooms, or I’d have had a Very Bad Trip indeed!

    Love your blog, BTW!

  3. Thank you so much for giving a voice to something that most people find difficult to talk about! I have spina bifida and my lesion for that has given me the same fun problems your MS has. It’s nice to see someone like me who finds the humor in any situation. Btw I went to high school with Kelly.

    1. Hi Kelly’s friend! Thank you so much for your kind word and stopping to read my blog. You just NEVER know if people are going to get your sense of humor or not (my ex sure didn’t:) So sorry to hear about your shit but glad that MY shit can maybe make you smile:) I hope you stick around, tomorrow’s post should be a fun one: the “forbidden”….SEX and MS or as I like to think of it, the unknown cure:)

      1. Kels, are you using yet another one of MY social media pages to communicate with someone else? First it was you and your husband on MY facebook page and now this?!:) hehe

  4. Oh jeez that is a good one. I don’t have that problem thankfully but I know others who do and it does not seem well. I think when you have to pee a lot of suddenly you realize just how few public restrooms there are around places!

    1. HA, I know where EVERY porta-potty sites within a two miles radius for when I am out walking Spanky – AND gleefully note any new construction sites, not because of the positives of development, but because they are REQUIRED to have a HONEY BUCKET on site for duration of the job…which mean ONE more PEE stop option for me:)

  5. One of the biggest lessons, or rather, adjustments to life, I have had to learn is the importance of packing a bag for the day… if one were to look in the back of my car, one might think I was preparing for a long road trip haha I carry spare everything with me now. I can’t even begin to tell you how many cat baths I’ve taken in restrooms around the great state of Texas. Or how many times my ass smells baby fresh from the use of wipes…

    1. 🙂 I drive a VW Eurovan, which is has the pop-top for camping, meaning my car is a moving “hotel room” and believe me, I can relate to packing to be prepared for anything. If a natural disaster were to hit while I was in my house, I may well NOT be prepared, but IF I were in my car….good to go:) Although it broke down and is currently at the repair shop, and has been for a WHOLE MONTH. Being a mom of 3, with PLENTY of activities, that is a SUPER long time to be without a car!!!! I think Shawn views himself as my personal chauffeur at this point:)

        1. Oh my goodness Jenny! We could have an MS VW convoy! I LOVE “Bessy” (nickname the kids gave my Eurovan when I got it 11 yrs ago!) Unfortunately I am selling her:( I don’t want to, but financially I don’t have a choose. Just hoping that maybe it will take a LONG time to find just the right buyer:) Thanks for stopping in!
          Cheers!
          Meg

          1. No-one ever wants to sell – fingers crossed it takes ages and you get to enjoy her as long as possible!
            When I had to sell mine a few years ago I took the photo’s and then accidentally drove it into a gatepost – it was definitely my subconscious taking over! Fortunately my partner still has his – that’s how we met! 😀

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