It was a week of highs and lows…
Shawn’s father passed away last week after a long battle with Parkisons. I was thankful that I could actually feel the emotions that come when confronting death. I was able to want to be there, to help Shawn and his family, to be present in the moment and focus on what was happening around me. Instead of the pain.
I have cannabis to thank for that.
Max competed in a powerlifting competition – And rocked it! (Age 14, weighing 205; Squat 320 lbs/Bench 220 lbs/Deadlift 446 lbs!) A #proudmommamoment that I was thankful to be a part of. I was grateful that I was able to be there, in the moment, watching him succeed. I was able to feel the pride only a momma bear could know. Instead of the pain.
I have cannabis to thank for that.
I have huge and exciting news! I have found something that works – that helps with the pain, provides me with the greatly needed relief from the pain. AND it does this without messing with my head or making me feel stoned/groggy/funny. It makes me feel like ME again. It is clearing out all the noise, fog and distractions that the pain has introduced into my life and is allowing me to feel clear headed and optimistic for the first time in a long time.
Thank god for that!!!!
I am not going to make the claim that the pain is completely gone- because it’s not. It’s still there, lurking in the background, occasionally trying to cram it’s head to the forefront BUT that’s the thing – it’s in the background! That is huge! The other day, I woke up just before the alarms started going off. I lay there, in that half asleep/half awake state not really ready to get up and have the pain hit me full force the minute I tried to move. But then I remembered – I have something that will help with the pain….I have cannabis! And that was it – I “jumped” out of bed, ready to start my day…with my marijuana by my side.
I did NOT see this coming – waking up and having my first thoughts of the day be….
I love marijuana!!!!
I was ready – ready to share this all with the world – to shout it from the mountain tops…but I forgot. Forgot that it was break for both the older boys, that they would both be home for the week. Lounging around, resting and relaxing during their well deserved “holiday.” Leaving dirty dishes around, piling up dirty laundry by the machines, creating mass destruction in the bathrooms, needing meals. All the things man-boys do and require. And I was so okay with all of this. So happy to fall back into the role of “momma” and feel needed on a regular basis.
It certainly helped a lot to be doing all of this with significantly less pain and numerous times during the week I thought ahead to writing this post and telling everyone my exciting news! Sunday evening both boys headed back to school and I headed to bed super excited to wake up and write. Until the alarm went off, I attempted to lift my head from the pillow and immediately felt as if I had been hit in the head by a MAC truck. Shawn had passed along his cold to me!!!! Damn Shawn. Actually truth be told, I am pretty sure I brought it on myself. Saturday night, while goofing off with the kids I mentioned “I never get sick.” No better way to GUARANTEE getting sick than to brag about one’s immune system’s strength and virility.
So I spent the next few days; snots running everywhere, head pounding, dying to just go back to bed. But, I soldiered on… I still continued my cannabis adventure (never let it be said I am a quitter….the show MUST go on – MUST keep moving forward…) And although my new found best friend “Mary Jane” didn’t help with the cold, living through it was made more tolerable by the fact that the pain was less, it wasn’t fogging everything else up.
Today – the sun is out, the cold is gone, and I am ready to tell you….
(of course the appropriate disclaimer to include here is that this is merely my OWN, PERSONAL opinion. It is what is working for ME, for my body and I am NOT asserting that it is some miracle “cure” to the pain, or that it will be life altering for anyone else.)
But for ME – it’s working and I am SO grateful and thankful for all the help the folks at The Evergreen Market have provided, for all the information and advise offered on my social media and blog, and the support I have received from my family and friends. Having everyone focus on the fact that I am trying to improve my life – create a better quality of life by finding relief from the pain rather than harping on issues about it’s legality or holding on to the stupid stereotypes of stoners being lazy or high as fuck has enabled me to quickly and wholeheartedly embrace the need for cannabis to be made available to those with medical needs.
That seems pretty obvious to me.
But the other thing that I have spent time thinking about – and truthfully – getting more than a bit annoyed about is the prevalence of a distorted view and unwarranted judgement by people about marijuana all together. Truth be told – I can not see any difference between someone choosing to throw back a few cold ones, a mom pouring that much “needed” glass of wine while preparing dinner for the family or a group of business men meeting for drinks after work and someone that chooses cannabis instead of alcohol. Obviously I am not the first one to think this;
And I am now obviously biased – since I am singing it’s praise. But it seems so simple and clear, that it is not the evil drug that many have come to believe. It sure as heck doesn’t seem as dangerous as some of the other prescribed medications I have tried. This based on my personal experiences, what my own body went through and how I have felt, not on any scientific study or medical research. Although there is plenty of that to be found.
If you had told me 6 months ago that my life would take this particular turn, I’m not sure I would have believed it. Not because I was so adamantly opposed to cannabis, but because I was super skeptical about it helping with the pain. I figured it might be able to replace the alcohol I have used for years to self medicate, to find some relief at the end of the day, but only after leaving me fuzzy and blurry just as all the other things I have tried have done. They have always left me feeling “off” or just not “me.”
What I am so excited about is that it is helping with the pain but not messing with my head, not making me feel groggy or out of it in any way. I recently responded to a MS FB friend’s inquiry about my MMJ use and findings and think the sentiment is worth sharing;
In the coming days/weeks, I will share more about what specifically is working for me (and the costs associated with my new pain management) but I want to emphasize that there isn’t an immediate fix – there isn’t ONE strain, ONE thing that will work. Different things will work differently for different people. Everyone’s body is different. Everybody’s MS is different. Everyone’s pain is different. And everyone’s reaction to a strain or product will be different. In my MMJ trials, I have found things that don’t work, that either mess with my head or don’t really touch the pain, but I have also found things that do work. It is super exciting to think about what more I can learn about this and how I can hopefully shed some light on the fact that for me….it is working.
It is helping ME – and at the risk of sound narcissistic –
**This is my personal blog and all opinions are my own. I am not a doctor, nor do I play one here on my blog. The content here is for informational and entertainment purposes only and is not intended to replace the advise of medical professionals. Be sure to contact your doctor before trying any new medications/vitamins/supplements, physical activities or therapies **