As some of you already know, I have been without a car for a month, a WHOLE fucking month. And were it NOT for the kindness and generosity of some amazing friends, my kids would be flunking out of school (because they wouldn’t GET there to get good grades) we would be dying of malnutrition (because even IF MY MS is doing good walking to the grocery store and then home carrying bags is NOT a good idea) and I would have been committed to a mental institution (because I DO need to get out and see and talk to other people once in a while.) So these friends have stepped up and helped me out SO much, and for that and for having friends like that I am SO grateful!
Now I would like to take a minute of your time to talk about “those other people.” We all have them in our lives. Those people that were your “friend” at some point in your life. But because of who you are, what you have (or don’t have) or what you have done, it is no longer “cool” for them to know you. No longer a “benefit” for them; they don’t get anything out of it. SO now when they see you, they don’t even bother to say hello, ask how you are, or have a conversation. They are too good for that.
There was a time not too long ago that this would have hurt me, led me to feel sad, and I may have even had another crying day, feeling like I was an outcast, no longer a member of the “in-crowd.” But now, it doesn’t get to me at all, I have grown up and moved on and I am now at a place in my life where I can see just how shallow these people are and realize that I wouldn’t want them in my life, because they wouldn’t have my back, like a true friend does. To be SO driven by what other people think (that image thing) and by what you have (gotta drive the right car and have the “perfect” life) is a waste of time. To have relationships in your life that are so inconsequential that you CAN just drop friends like a dirty pair of underwear makes it pretty obvious that the things that DO matter are NOT the people in your life, but rather the STUFF (what you have.) Yet at the end of the day, when you strip everything away, people ARE what matters, what make your life (and YOU) better.
I have said that it is NOT my intention to hurt ANYONE by starting and writing this blog (even my ex- I know shocker!) and so as Shawn and I sat on the deck this morning having our coffee and talking about what today’s post was going to be about, I found myself thinking maybe I shouldn’t say this, didn’t want to offend anyone. BUT then I realized, IF someone does read this, and IS offended, seems to me that would mean that what I said hits too close to home. Guilty by association? If the shoe fits? I have said it before, one of the “perks” of getting MS, and having my life turned upside down over night, and going through a shitty divorce is that I sure figured out who my REAL friends were, REAL fast. And I WAS sad for a little while, feeling that so much of what had been my life was gone, but then I realized that what was left is what mattered. Those that stayed by my side are the ones that I would want with me if I was stranded on an island in the middle of no-where. Because they are true, and genuine and when they say they care, or that they want to help, they mean it. Their friendship is based on actually caring, NOT caring what other people think and to have even a handleful of THOSE people in your life is pretty damn lucky.
You might be wondering where this rant came from, what brought it up. Shawn, Piper and I went to a school function for Max last night. It was at a park right on the lake (ooo Spanky encountered the water for the first time, was hysterical, video coming soon) and the kids were attempting to prepare dinner in pioneer fashion after a 7 mile hike from school. As always it was a super fun event, with kids, families and dogs all running around having a good time. I did too! But I was aware of the people that were there; those that I KNOW that DIDN’T choose to have a conversation, or even say hello. From Shawn’s perspective, who hasn’t been to these events before, he would have thought I didn’t know many of the people there. But I do, or maybe better to say I did. Not so much any more. I choose NOT to mourn that lose, because some how by getting MS and walking away from my marriage, I have become a stronger (and better) person, with a life filled with people that matter. I couldn’t wish for anything more. So for those of you that DO have my back – THANK YOU! For those of you that don’t – you don’t know what you are missing, cause I am a GREAT PERSON:) So bite me:)
TECFIDERA update: day day 6 and heartburn getting a bit better but bump up to full dosage Monday so might start again. We’ll see.